May 13, 2012

Month of the Blog! MAILBAG 2!

Week 1 of the MAILBAG! was a roaring success, so we'll try another one! Many of you emailed in your questions to - let's get to 'em!

Q1 -  Is Dan the landscaper available in the Richmond area anytime soon?

A - Does a, maybe I'll use another idiom. So, Dan the Bear - I mean, Dan the Landscaper will be coming to a city near you! First he has a few little projects to do around the house, including Schultzy's Pumpkin Patch, poison ivy removal duty, and chopping firewood. This usually takes all summer. And, "a city near you" means "a city near Dan's boat" since it's that time of year again. Good thing you all live in St. Joseph, Michigan.

Q2.  Can Hailey be ANY cuter?

A - Yes.

Q3.  Are you teaching the proper way to sneeze (into the elbow) or are you just lazy parents?

A - Since, I truly didn't know that into the elbow was the "proper" way to sneeze, I'm going to go with lazy. And I'm only talking about myself. Patti is never lazy.

We'll take these two together:
Q4.  Has shirtless Ben been working out?  He's looking buff.
Q5.  Is shirtless Ben doomed to a life of transparent skin color?

A - Shirtless Ben has been working out since he was 1. He talks about his super strength pretty much every time he picks something up, whether it be a 10lbs of groceries or a box of tissues. And he picks up pretty much everything he touches. Boys...As for his skin color, we're going to leave that one alone. We've heard something about going to jail for fixing that. I mean, Shirtless Ben is preparing himself to be a hipster. We do live in Chicago, you know.

Q6. How is the neighborhood drug cartel, and has Hailey made any noises about visiting them in prison?

A - So, THAT is what she's been cooing about! God, I've thought she's been saying Mama and Dada. But, now that I think about it, I can make out "Mama, I want to go to see my boyfriend in prison because you watch Lockup Raw on MSNBC too much and now I think that is what I am supposed to be when I grow up. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Oh, and as for our "neighbors", it's been quiet. Maybe a little too quiet....and now I'm paranoid. Thanks.

That's it for this week's MAILBAG!, so I'm going to sit over by the window and watch. Just watch. And wait.

- Brian

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